Look,

We can stand around here all day finger-pointing and bickering about who “failed to complete their blog-transmitted mission from god” or who “may have condemned all humanity to everlasting damnation with their wanton disregard for the word of god” if you want, but, I mean, atleast try and see this thing from my point of view. I am a very busy man. I was tired, I had a headache. And Desperate Housewives is the only show I get to watch all week. It’s not like you’ve ever successfully completed a mission from god is it? I mean, not that he would ask. Obviously. And these things are really hard man. There’s a lot of pressure. It’s not like just writing a blog. I was writing a blog for god. I mean frickin god man. It was intense. And at some point you just have to say to yourself “Enough is enough Jarad. Your god is a forgiving god (fortunately) and how pissed can he really be when it was he who invented playstation in the first place?” So god, if you wanna be pissed, be pissed, cause me and the boys are going down to Riley’s for a three dollar special and we may not be back for some time.

Ya know what

I just realised? So far this year I have posted once in January (the first month), twice in February (do you see the pattern yet?) and three times in March (March is when the little hand points at the three and the big hand points to the twelve). Isn’t that weird? Spooky, almost.

It’s as if the hand of some unseen omnipotent force has been guiding me to post in accordance with some form of sacred geometry. Which, to be honest, is something I always kind of expected would happen to me. Like that time I kept having dreams that Carol Channing was my birth mother and then it turned out she was. Except it wasn’t the Tony-award-winning Carol Channing but the one-I-grew-up-thinking-was-a-my-sister-like-Jack-Nicholson-did-Carol-Channing. (I wonder if this counts as a digression yet?) Anyhow... my points, and they are multiple, are these:

1. God has clearly taken a personal interest in my blog and may have even anointed it as the one true blog of god and it is with this divine mandate that I must continue to blog forth, spewing his celestially sanctioned word onto the World Wide Web like so much um, spew. (Ed’s note: I had a divine man date once. His name was Julio and he certainly did. Ding).

2. Now I’m gonna have to post four times this month which sucks because, as you may have very recently become aware, I don’t have a damn thing to say.

Oh, the agony of the prophet.