Hanging on the telephone

I just spoke to my friend I. in London. He told me that when recently in Norway he ate a moose. Except he called it an elk. Which reminded me that my friend R, when recently in Peru, ate a guinea pig. An entire guinea pig with a face, and a tail, and a wife guinea pig sitting at home worrying herself silly. Which brings me to the only logical conclusion that can possibly be made: All of my friends are vampires.

Which explains the fangs, blood drinking and aversion to sunlight but not why nobody else can see them but me.